First off I feel seeing as this is a sketchblog that I should definitely be posting more sketches up.
There is no excuse.
This post is once again more on my thoughts on this path towards being an artist. The deadlines in VC are pretty tough for me, up to date I've pulled a lot of late nights but only one all nighter. My grades I feel don't reflect my potential but only my state of time management, perhaps also commitment?
imee
Shouldn't I be losing sleep to get the grades I want?
Shouldn't I be busting ass to deliver a good final product?
These questions aren't on my mind as much as they should be. Instead I keep thinking of projects that I would love to experiment and tell stories on.
Shouldn't I be losing sleep for these dreams that I want to tell?
Shouldn't I be busting ass to deliver something that I would be proud of?
There's so much out there that I would love to study (artistically). And I feel like I might never have to chance to be ahead in my classes to divvy some time out for those ventures I would love to venture on. It is because of that feeling/prediction that I feel like I am not improving at all, I feel stagnant.
But the projects keep coming and the deadlines are tight as ever.
My classmate Alex ditched the program for the path that my mind tends to wander on most, because he felt like the questions that my mind should be thinking about was stifling his ability to grow.
I agree with him on all fronts (with exception to being ignorant to things that are deemed "Not needed to be learned"). and I find myself thinking whether I should follow suit.
Would I be able to be just as driven? For how long? Either path isn't guaranteed safety, warmth, fame as much as the faculty likes to say it does.
I find myself being snappy a lot with some people, I apologize for that as well.
I think I just needed somewhere to vent before I continue on this path, it's been hard being behind in the one class that seems to eat up so much of my time. (If this class didn't exist I would have lots of time to experiment and study). The frustration stems ultimately from myself, as much as I despise this one class, or don't like the teacher in another, it's because of my inability to apply myself harder and be more efficient that I tend to be in a messy position for Design Communications.
It's tough being frustrated with yourself. Because it's you, right? Shouldn't YOU, be able to do something about it? Shouldn't YOU be able to finish this? Shouldn't YOU be able to do better?
There's really no proper way to end this post other than saying I do feel better for writing this out, blogs do serve that function of "saying without screaming".
I will get past this and grow, I will be ahead in my classes.
Just gotta adjust and apply, that's all.
