First off I feel seeing as this is a sketchblog that I should definitely be posting more sketches up.
There is no excuse.
This post is once again more on my thoughts on this path towards being an artist. The deadlines in VC are pretty tough for me, up to date I've pulled a lot of late nights but only one all nighter. My grades I feel don't reflect my potential but only my state of time management, perhaps also commitment?
imee
Shouldn't I be losing sleep to get the grades I want?
Shouldn't I be busting ass to deliver a good final product?
These questions aren't on my mind as much as they should be. Instead I keep thinking of projects that I would love to experiment and tell stories on.
Shouldn't I be losing sleep for these dreams that I want to tell?
Shouldn't I be busting ass to deliver something that I would be proud of?
There's so much out there that I would love to study (artistically). And I feel like I might never have to chance to be ahead in my classes to divvy some time out for those ventures I would love to venture on. It is because of that feeling/prediction that I feel like I am not improving at all, I feel stagnant.
But the projects keep coming and the deadlines are tight as ever.
My classmate Alex ditched the program for the path that my mind tends to wander on most, because he felt like the questions that my mind should be thinking about was stifling his ability to grow.
I agree with him on all fronts (with exception to being ignorant to things that are deemed "Not needed to be learned"). and I find myself thinking whether I should follow suit.
Would I be able to be just as driven? For how long? Either path isn't guaranteed safety, warmth, fame as much as the faculty likes to say it does.
I find myself being snappy a lot with some people, I apologize for that as well.
I think I just needed somewhere to vent before I continue on this path, it's been hard being behind in the one class that seems to eat up so much of my time. (If this class didn't exist I would have lots of time to experiment and study). The frustration stems ultimately from myself, as much as I despise this one class, or don't like the teacher in another, it's because of my inability to apply myself harder and be more efficient that I tend to be in a messy position for Design Communications.
It's tough being frustrated with yourself. Because it's you, right? Shouldn't YOU, be able to do something about it? Shouldn't YOU be able to finish this? Shouldn't YOU be able to do better?
There's really no proper way to end this post other than saying I do feel better for writing this out, blogs do serve that function of "saying without screaming".
I will get past this and grow, I will be ahead in my classes.
Just gotta adjust and apply, that's all.
Glad you got the feelings out from you, there's no one path to follow. First you must be honest with your self I find. Honestly look at your self, but I think you are doing this.
ReplyDeleteWas actually kind of funny for me, I recently I came back to the exact same spot I was in 3 1/2 years ago, and suddonly realized what it was that actually got me working. And I really laughed hard about it.
Basically the story goes, there is a girl, who I am crazy for, but isnt into me. So I breifly dispair. I look at myself, and just see a loser who doesn't work hard enough to be anybody. But I want to be someone, so I must change this. But this work ethic, I must keep up for 3 years. Not a few months. Just find it so funny that this is actually the reason I started to draw in the beginning haha! I'll never forget it again like I did, and if I'm ever interviwed in the future, and someones asks me, I will give this answer XD
I also beieve very very strongly that, anybody can have or do anything, but they cannot have or do everything.
There are three things. Time, Quality, and Quantity (Varrity).
You can only have two. And you always need Quality either way, so we are left with chooseing between Time and Quantity (Varrity).
If you want Quality, in short amount of Time, you sacrifice Quanity(Varrity). If you want Quality in a large Quantity (Varrity)you sacrifice time, it takes longer.
Sacrifices must be made, pain, frustration, anger and sadness are lived, but if you draw with courage and hot blood it's all worth it in the end.
Thanks Alex, I appreciate it.
Deletehaha Girls can do alot man, I remember when I was in a relationship I started working out for that sole reason haha.
Haha hell ya man, anyways keep it up :>
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling better when this project is over and I'm glad you have a place to vent it all out. You always seem like you know what you're doing haha like your path is a straight line. Although, there's another project after another, and it pushes you down, you are doing great.
ReplyDeleteKeep at it!
-Yulin
(I feel like I should put my name there, but then it sounds too formal)